Saturday, June 7, 2008

Stuff White People Don't Like

#100: Having a regular fucking conversation with a Black/non-white person in which they don't show off their world atlas skills.

Exhibit A: This weekend I've been at a conference in Minnesota. Great networking, despite the abundance of white reformists (ie: "we want free broadband!...racism? what?"). I had my ups and down, but today was actually good. Good people, connections, panels, presentations. It was hella white, but I had hope, like: "we must work with our white ally's. Even if some can be slightly obnoxious at times."

And then I met Mr. White World Traveler. In less than five minutes of already awkward, forced conversation, he mentioned: he's been to Mexico City four times, loves East African food and has a very close relationship with a Black woman at Trinity Church of Christ in Chicago.

Conversation went well. He liked San Francisco, he said. Road tripped it from Pennsylvania to California in his youth. Has a Black son. Blah, Blah.

Then he goes, " You have an interesting forehead."

Me: "Excuse me?"

White Man: "It's very profound, are you from Eastern Africa?"

Me: "No."

WM: "Where are your parents from?"

Me: "Here.

WM: "They're both African American?"

Me: "Yes."

WM: "Well, you never know. You may have some in your lineage."

Me: ::rolls eyes::

WM: "Well two years ago my wife and I were colonizing visiting Toronto and saw this regular ass Black woman in an upscale store. She was so out of place captivating that everyone in the store did a double take. My wife and I were pervishly obsessed interested and I harrassed asked what her ethnic background* was. She told us she was actually born in Canada (shocking!) and we pressed some more. Eventually we found out that her father was from Zimbabwe and her mother was from India** (and our racial exoticism wet dream came to fruition).

Me: "great."

WM: Looks at me, waiting for a "you're so enlightened!" look.

Me: "So are you saying that my forehead is beautiful?"

WM: ::mumble, mumble:: "well if you want me to, then yeah."


*Apparently, white people don't have ethnicities.
** What the fuck did this have to do with my forehead??"


goc said...

scenario #1:
WP: where are you from
Me: pakistan
WP:no where are you really from
Me: Pakistan
WP: Are u sure? your english is so good
Me: If I colonized your ass for 300 years I bet your Urdu would be really good too.

Scenario #2:
WP: Where you from?
Me (switching it up): here
WP: No where are you REALLY from

You can't win with these fuckers.

Anonymous said...

Biting off goc, here we go:

WP: where are you from
Me: Oakland
WP: No, no. I mean, what's your nationality?
Me: American
WP: No, no. I mean, what kind of minority are you?
Me: Actually, Asians are the global majority!
(WP screams out in frustration and storms off, muttering something about "this country going to hell")

Yo that forehead shit is ridiculous, fuck that guy.


licious said...

damn. People need to stop with this shit. The other day:

WP: I know! You're a quarter Japanese!
Me: No.
WP: *confused look* but you look just like my friends girlfriend and she's a quarter Japanese.
Me: I'm Mexican.
WP: Really?? No Japanese?
Me: No.
WP: *stares at me more*

WTF!?! I've had more people than I can count tell me what I am and no one has ever been right.

Senbei said...

YES! This is what blogs are for. A safe place to vent and commiserate so we don't murder somebody and get locked away. Jolly good show sister. Here's mine:

WP: What are you?
Me: A person.
WP: No, I mean where are your parents from?
Me: Richmond, CA and Brooklyn, NY
WP: No, I mean what is your nationality?
Me: American
WP: Are you Chilean?
Me: Nope.
WP: Your "look," is very latino.
Me: Thanks?
WP: Are you Latino? Filipino?
Me: (Looks at phone) Im sorry, Im getting a call right now I have to take. Ill be right back! (Exit stage left, never to return to convo.)

I personally have strong connections to the "white" world as a mixed race person of color, and can pretty much say I think most people like this are dealing with issues of extreme guilt and islolation.

And while it must suck to feel alone and terrible about yourself/people, it is a FAR f*cking cry from dealing with internalized hatred, genocide, colonization, racism, oppression, etc. and it is NOT the responsibility of people of color to take care of these lost souls.

Sorry that happened to you. It seems everyone who responded feels u 900% and has come across such ignorance a plethora of a multitude of times in their lives.

I think u should start a new "Stuff White People DONT Like," blog asap. That would GO.

Good luck making it through your monday PLAYGROUND.

Peace, Love + Balance,

goc said...

I second Senbei's suggestion Jay, I think you're gonna have a lot of willing contributors on that one. Hell maybe some broke-ass POC can get a book deal or sumthing huh? lol.

goc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jay said...

fuck that, let's all make an anthology. start our own website where we post our dumb white people stories. book deal? maybe not. 'internet terrorists?' maybe.

Jay said...

oh, and p.s. i think adrizzle actually bought that 'stuff white people don't like' domain name. drizz, if you're reading, start that shit up!

kg said...

oh buddy. lord help them.