This life...

felt like shit
today
forgot how to
cope
or maybe never learned how
this life smothers me
foolishly convincing me that
greed
lust
desire
will heal
my bruised
battered
self

dropped money i didn’t have
on brightly colored
sheaths
of textured
fabric
to pour over me
plunge into
veil myself
forget
misery
the ugly me
covering up in
tangibly beautiful
things

shiraz
corona
tequila
liquid comfort
soothes as it
burns down my throat
cuts a hard path through my
insides
helps me pretend
that everything will be
ok

fat and grease
chocolate and cheese
food caressing my gums
sanding away the pain that grips
my stomach lining
floating to the bottom
stacking to the top
arteries clogged turning
grey
gluttony forcing shut
feelings from the
heart

watched
tv
until my eyes
glossed over and
reality tv
substituted for my
reality
and i lost myself
in someone else’s
pretend pain
over
broken hearts
and extra
pounds

and then i purged myself
of all the madness
and heaved
and heaved
white porcelain
receiving
endless turmoil
internal
conflict
needing to come up
somehow
because i forgot
how to cry

society’s
monstrosities
clothes
rich food
liquor
technology
loom
masked in
pastel
warmth
and deathly
softness
numb my senses
into oblivion
i fall
and fall
as i continue
to look away
from myself

and today i forgot how to cope.